Boy Scout Safe and Sound

Last year the BIG news story was that Boy Scout who wondered off from the pack and got lost in the mountains. Well like a week later they found him on the other side of this mountain. I was pissed! I'm seriousface, I was praying something ate him. I know you think it sounds harsh but I mean come on, he deserved it. The kid was 13 and he said fuck it and wondered off on his own, you can't do that crazy white boy teenage rebel shit. You're not a Marine, you're not a trained survivor, you're a fucking boy scout! You can't defend yourself against a bear, or a mountain lion or a Michael Jackson. I was praying the news would come on and a bear got a hold of this kid, they'd show a picture of the bear and he's wearing the kid's Boy Scout scarf, holding his handbook in one hand and a bottle of ketchup in the other hand. I wanted something bad to happen to this little bratty "I do whatever I want" mindset child so bad I almost tracked and ate him myself. You shouldn't talk to strangers! (stab)… They said he hiked over the mountain.. Who is watching these kids?!?! Did they let someone's grandpa with altzimers take these kids out on a hiking trail?! What moron okays this kid to stray off?!? "Hey im going to go climb a mountain", whoa whoa whoa, do you have your hand book? Ok good. What about your scarf? Ok excellent. Quick tie a sheep knot! Awesome, you can go. And what the fuck happened to the buddy system?!? When I was a kid they drilled that shit into your brain, Buddy System, Buddy System, Buddy System, Buddy System, TAKE A BUDDY!!!! To the bathroom, church, the library, crossing the street, cutting meat that's too tough use the Buddy System!!! Unless you're in the military, then you're an army of one… I never did understand that. I guess you're allowed to go alone when you're fighting for oil. My friend says, well you can't ALWAYS have someone with you. YES you can! Esp. when you're oh I don't know HIKING UP A FUCKING MOUTAIN!! You're going to need more than a mountain dew and your ipod fucker. If I was planning on hiking thru the mountains I would def. take the fat kid, or the retard with me. Fat kid its obv. You can out run or trip him boom bear food. Retard you could just tell him to pet the bear and boom again your home free! So in closing I'd like to say that I hope all rebel "you're not my boss" mental state children get eaten by large hungry bears. Matter of fact im going to open up my own business where I take live bears to malls all over ... America and accidentally leave their cages unlocked right outside the Abercrombie store.